Alaska.

by Ohio Impromptu

Published April 28, 2006

This is my first attempt at poetry in quite a while, so this could be interesting. Be merciless.

That day I took a walk in the rain,
across a piece of waterlogged paper,
writing my feelings down,
with steps and puddles and every falling drop.

You pointed ambiguously out the door,
and said, "I want to see you soaking wet,
so show me yourself in two dimensions,
brittle skin, blue veins and all."

Like hands under my pillow,
yours, mine or applause for having niether,
the gaps were localized to the space,
between me and the snowstorms in Alaska.

Would you just let the snow fall already?
I want cold and I want a closed sky.
Nothing ever falls here,
it hangs like moisture in the air.

Let the snow fall,
Alaska.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Firestarter
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Firestarter commented Comment · May 2, 2006

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Ohio Impromptu
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Ohio Impromptu commented Comment · May 2, 2006

Thanks all. I do appreciate the mercilessness.

Any more thoughts?

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xanthan gum
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xanthan gum wrote a review Review · Apr 28, 2006

ambiguously

this is good word, but a slightly awkward sounding one.

Would you just let the snow fall already?

the rest of the poem is wispy, but this is blatant. I'd make it sound more poetic for the sake of keeping the feeling of the poem.

after that, you dragged out the "let the snow fall" aspect for a bit too long.

otherwise, great imagery and i actually did enjoy it a lot. you just asked me to be merciless so =] =] =]
my favortie part:
and said, "I want to see you soaking wet,
so show me yourself in two dimensions,
brittle skin, blue veins and all."

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Angel17
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Angel17 commented Comment · Apr 28, 2006

I agree with Doubt, i enjoyed the detailed imagery, and i liked the sudden stop at the end. great work

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Doubt
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Doubt commented Comment · Apr 28, 2006

Bravo. Bravo.

And you were skeptical about your skills. Blasphemy!

Excellent.



This is a message to all you out there. You don't have to be the fastest writer. You don't have to write 2000 words in one sitting. But if you put your mind to it and really love your project, you can and will get further along than you ever thought possible.
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